It’s weird that during spring time, a lot of people break up. And around fall, a lot of people get together. Well recently, I’m all ears when it comes to listening to people’s problems and offering advices to them about relationships and how to fix them.. in this case it’s after a break up.

I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how many years spent, or how many ups and downs a couple have been through.. it all comes down to “where is this relationship going?” and the effort and time two people put in to make it work, to make it balanced.

Honestly, I don’t know what he has done for me to make me feel loved or shown me much really. The amount of effort and time are imbalanced. I can’t always be the only one who want to spend time together whenever we get the chance to. I mean it already sucks enough that our schedule is opposite. This shouldn’t be a one way street.

It makes me wonder, what am I doing here? Where is this relationship going? Of course I want to get married, but not now. We’re both not financially stabled. But I would like to know if it is really going somewhere. And if so, show me. Give me some actions to work with here. Because if there really isn’t anything much going on here, then I would rather not waste another 4 1/2 years with someone who doesn’t give a damn.

Play dates :)

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, and I still do. There’s something about me that believes in fate - serendipity.

There are many times in our lives where we could have done something, should have said something, and maybe things would have been different today, but we did not do anything about it. Why not? What stopped us from doing what we felt like doing? Fear.

We can never overcome the feeling of fear. Fear of losing something, fear of rejection… just fear itself feels terrifying. Well, I think that if we cannot overcome the feeling of fear then maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe it was a sign that you shouldn’t have said or done anything.

Sure, timing and circumstances can play a pretty big role in these life events, but  to me, it just means that it’s not meant to be. Not where everything is standing now.

I don’t know how else to explain this strong feeling that I have where I believe this whole serendipity thing - this whole “fate”, if it’s meant to be, it will be kind of thing. But that is what I have been living by. I stopped trying to force feelings to happen, force feelings to fade, force my relationships to work, and so on. Because the more you force it to how you want it, the more it’ll slip away from your hands.

I have experienced different kinds of love people have showed me and it makes me wonder what makes them think its okay to show love in their own fucked up ways.

Control: Those who control think it’s okay to show love by controlling everything of their significant other because it is a way of “protection” I suppose.

Abusive: Those who are crazy enough to show love by hurting the other and then care for him/her right after. Or using hurtful words and name callings to bring down the other so one can feel dominate and power.

Lie: Those who believes keeping away the truth is the only way to keep the other happy because what he/she won’t know, won’t hurt him/her. Correct? Secrets aren’t meant to be shared, told, passed around. So those who lie to show their love are disgusting.

Sacrifice: Those who sacrifice as little as their time to talk to the other believes that they are showing their love - when really, that is what they are suppose to do already (Those “sacrifices” are pussy shits). The sacrifices lovers out there that I am talking about are the ones who stands by the other through the highest and the lowest points of each other’s mistakes. Even the unbearable, traumatizing, mind-fucking, nightmare haunting ones… Through the tears, pain, and the scars. The ones who believes that if they have each other in the end, it will be all worth it. Those are the kind of sacrifices one makes in order to make it work.

Comfortable: Those who are comfortable believes that they are in love, but in all honestly, they are not. The comfortablers have incorporated the other into their daily routines in life where it has become something they have to see, talk to, be with - instead of wanting to do all those things, it has become part of a chore. This kind of love is blinded - on the edge - either it will stabilize itself or break in half.

Romantic: Then there are the romantic lovers who believes that being sweet and doing romantic things are enough to show how love they love the other. This will go well with the hopeless romantics, but there has to be more than just flowers, chocolates, surprises, and the materialistic objects. Money can’t buy love.

So, how do you show your love? 

I’m happy with life right now.

That’s probably the strangest thing I have ever thought and spoke about.

The Last

Probably one of the best yet.